FEAR

8/10

At some point this blog will mention first steps, crawls, words, etc. We aren't there yet, so I'll continue to write about what I'm currently dealing with. My daughter is peacefully resting on my chest, and full disclosure, she's dead center on my taco meat. It's after 9pm, and this is "the night shift". We've been doing this the last 3 or 4 nights, and it gives Whit a chance to get some good rest. If you know me, you know the nights are my jam! This just adds to it. A few days ago was my first experience with going full poppa mode; I finally fed her! This is what sparks tonight's blog.

Watching Parker sleep is the bee's knees, I could literally watch her sleep and stretch all day and night. But, I had yet to feed her, and I honestly was a bit bummed about it. I mean, from a selfish standpoint, I wanted to feel like I was part of the game and not just watching from the sideline. (Yes moms, we may not say it, but some dads want to be SUPER hands on) Anywho, as I was feeding her, it came full circle.  She is my tree; starting from a seed, and now starting to grow. I am literally feeding her the nutrients that she needs to grow big and strong. That's when this feeling of uncontrollable fear washed over me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, how is this gonna work.

FATHERS, how did you prepare? How far in advance have you planned their life out? I know there's no blueprint, but surely there's a common factor. Is that commonality knowing we can't control any of this? How do you help your spouse? Is the fact that you're the provider enough for you, or do you feel like you need to do more? Personally, 50/50 is the only way I think my wife and I will survive. When you truly know your spouse, you know what they can handle before it starts to show. Prior to Parker I would clean the house on the regular, and I'm sure that won't change. But, is it expected more so since she has added responsibilities? Am I getting off track? It's very possible. 

FEAR, not only am I scared about fatherhood, but I have a whole relationship with my wife to maintain. I have no illusions that it's changed; some moments will be for the better, others.... What do I do about that? What takes precedent? I want to be the greatest father AND husband. I'm sure it's possible, but how? Make no mistake, I'm EXTREMELY happy, but these are the realities of my mind. I told you guys from the first blog entry that I'd be honest with you guys. I'm going to allow comments on this post. I want to hear what the 3 of you reading this think lol.

P.S. The score is hasn't changed, she hasn't tried Poppa yet.