She Waves Bye Sometimes....

7/13

I thought I’d only write about the first year of parenthood, and get bored doing it. We all know that’s not going to happen. The problem now, is that she does so much, that I can’t remember it all. I kind of like it. Some things I can only play back in my head, and I think those are probably the most special moments. Others are small milestones that I think you all would enjoy hearing about. So, Here’s a few things that P-Money (as TT Genea calls her) has been up to.

In 6 days, Parker turns 365 days old. That’s 52 weeks of growing, 365 days of exploring backseats, carpet, hardwood, concrete, grass, wood chips, charcoal, dirt, pools, dogs, and most importantly exploring herself. Obviously I know that she doesn’t know what she’s seeing. She doesn’t comprehend her parent’s frustration when we can’t put her down,  Parker feeding the dogs when she KNOWS she shouldn’t be doing that, the fear she invokes when she dashes to the stairs after we’ve left the gate open….or maybe she’s aware of all of this. That’s my little explorer though, and I don’t know what her mom and I would do without her in our lives; frustration and all, she makes every day exciting!

She talks back. She laughs with us, and she sleeps in our bed (your opinion on this is irrelevant, but we thank you for scrunching your face after reading that) I love looking over in the middle of the night and having her there. Sometimes I want her in her bed, but then I look at her, then her mom, and realize that I couldn’t feel any more complete then that very moment. The look of peace and just PURE rest allows me to close my eyes and just fall asleep. I don’t want her to grow up. I don’t want her to sleep in her bed, I don’t want her to not want us like she does now, but I know at some point it will happen; I’ll just have to invest in that time machine I’ve been looking at on Amazon! But, I’m getting off track.

The tail end of the week is when I take Parker to her grandparents before work. The car ride is filled with R&B music or 2Chainz; that’s dependent on how thug I’m feeling. Anyway, after I get her into the house and in grandma’s arms, I head out the front door. I’ve caught myself holding the door just a second longer thought. Initially I didn’t notice this, but each time, I’d look over my shoulder to see if Money Bag’s was following me….she was. She walks out the door with me with Parker in her arms and waits at the end of the porch. It’s nice. I feel like one of those blue collar workers from back in the day whose wife is dripped in pearls, waiting at the white picket fence watching her husband pull out of the driveway. Except in this case it’s not my wife, the fence is iron, and most importantly, it’s not my house….but you get the picture right? Fast forward to the point I’m trying to make.

Money Bag’s waves bye because that’s what she does. Parker waves because Money Bag’s is making her, but I appreciate the gesture. Soon enough, Parker will wave because daddy is leaving to make sure she is provided for well after I’m gone.  Sometimes though, and it is only sometimes, she’ll wave on her own. When I see that, my heart melts. Does she understand why she’s waving yet, ABSOLUTELY not, but God forbid the day she waves goodbye to daddy, and I don’t make it home (That took a turn for the worse). I want you to understand this though. This is a moment I don’t want to capture on film. I want it only in my head. I want to remember every time she waves bye to daddy because right now she doesn’t know what “bye” means, she just sees hands moving. In about two weeks she’ll be waving bye to me and know it’s because daddy has to go somewhere. It might take another two years to understand time, so bye for now in her eyes is bye forever.

It started out all happy....and then reality hit me...My little girl isn't as little as she was when I wrote the first post (insert Jordan meme with the tears).